by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 15, 2015 | Blog, National Foster Care Month
The topic of child welfare looms large in my novel Our Orbit. It tells the story of an Appalachian girl who crosses the tracks to become foster daughter to an educated family. Love and conflict ensue as all the burning social issues of our time raise their sometimes ugly heads. In gratitude to those who helped me learn about the many demands and great rewards of foster care, I am sharing information on this topic throughout the month of May 2015, National Foster Care Month.
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“Cherub Mama” is a blogger and a work-at-home mom of bio and foster children. When I went browsing her blog to look for information on family reunification, I stumbled on this brief post. It is practical, to-the-point, and yet I found her words deeply moving. So much is said between the lines. Foster children’s visits to non-custodial parents can be fraught with emotion, but this blogger explains their fundamental purpose.
my thoughts on visits
The goal of foster care is (almost) always reunification. Even if the State determines that the biological parent(s) is not safe, a family member is always preferred over non-relative adoption. The goal is to keep families together.
Most of the time that is a very good goal!!!
Please don’t go in to foster care if you’re not willing to support reunification. Because this stuff is hard. Super hard. Crazy hard. But it’s necessary.
Here are my thoughts on visits. A metaphor if you will. And I don’t take credit for this idea, but for the life of me I have no idea where I heard it first.
Visits are the equivalent of ripping a band-aid off a wound so you can keep it raw.
Imagine if you will…their family tree. Each member is a branch. When the children were removed from Wendy (Bio Mom), their branches were cut off their tree. They were separated from what kept them alive. My family welcomed them into our home. They’re Red Delicious. We’re Granny Smith. But we’re all apple trees and my tree can keep their branches alive.
However, the goal is for their branches to get grafted back on to THEIR tree. They aren’t supposed to attach to our tree forever. So we have to keep the wounds raw. We don’t want the kids’ branches to dry off and die. They do have to attach to us. But they can’t attach permanently. We have to continually keep the end of their branch wet and raw so they can attach back to their Red Delicious tree (or at least to a tree in their orchard) when it’s safe.
Every visit keeps that wound open and raw so the ultimate goal of reunification can take place.
These cherubs came to my home a month ago. We’ve had one month for them to get used to our orchard. We’ve nourished their branches and given them all they need to be strong, healthy and to grow.
Today we get to rip that grafting tape off and send them back to their original tree for a visit.
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Visit the National Foster Care Month website.
Visit Cherub Mamma’s blog.
Find her on Facebook.
Read Welcome to the Roller Coaster, a book that she helped create with a group of fellow foster mothers as a fundraiser for their children.
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 12, 2015 | Blog, National Foster Care Month
Learning to care for others
The topic of child welfare looms large in my novel Our Orbit. It tells the story of an Appalachian girl who crosses the tracks to become foster daughter to an educated family. Love and conflict ensue as all the burning social issues of our time raise their sometimes ugly heads. In gratitude to those who helped me learn about the many demands and great rewards of foster care, I am sharing information on this topic throughout the month of May 2015, National Foster Care Month.
From the website of the Wisconsin Coalition for Children, Youth & Families—
Wanted: Special families for special kids—take the challenge through foster care.
The ad caught your eye. You have been thinking about doing foster care for a long time. You think you want to commit yourself and your family to fostering a child. But how do you involve your kids in the decision making and prepare them for the addition of a foster youth? Whether your kids live at home with you, or are out on their own, listen to their thoughts and ideas about fostering.
Talk about Foster Care
Depending upon the age and maturity of your children, the first step to making a decision about family foster care is to have a discussion with your kids. Kids may have many questions about the youth that are in foster care.
Eventually, your family will want to discuss what ages, gender, and types of kids fit best for your family. Have a family meeting and talk about the special needs of kids in foster care. What abilities and skills do family members have to help meet these needs? Consider discussing the following topics:
Purpose of foster care. Foster care provides kids the care they need (such as getting medical treatment, counseling, living in a safe home, exposing kids to healthy family life, supporting kids to attend school) for positive changes to happen for the child and their family. Kids in foster care can often be reunited with their family or sometimes adopted.
Types of kids in foster care. Kids come from many different circumstances. Sometimes they have experienced abuse, neglect, truancy from school, special medical and emotional needs, or may have behavior issues. Sometimes kids in foster care have no serious problems.
Situations. Many times, parents of kids in foster care are unable to take care of their children due to their own problems (drugs, alcohol, mental illness, incarceration, limited understanding or interest in being a parent, deceased parents or no family).
Behavior problems. Like all of us, some kids have no issues while some may be aggressive, quiet, hyperactive, withdrawn, immature, or fearful. They may act out sexually, hoard food, have sleeping problems or have drug and alcohol abuse issues.
To continue reading on the website of the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families, click here.
Thank you for learning about issues involved in foster care! For additional information—
Visit the official site of National Foster Care Month 2015. That’s right now!
Visit the National Foster Parent Association.
And feel free to share your insights in the “Comments” section below.
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 10, 2015 | Blog
Tiffany Midge, a poet and writer who grew up in Seattle, Washington, is the author of several books, including Outlaws, Renegades & Saints: Diary of a Mixed-Up Half Breed. She holds a Master of Fine Arts degree in creative writing from the University of Idaho and is a long-time resident of Moscow, Idaho. She is also Moscow’s newly appointed poet laureate.
Moscow, Idaho, has a population of approximately 25,000. The town is said to be named after the home city of a Russian immigrant who established a trading post in the area in the 1860s.
Tiffany joins me today for a chat about her new appointment—
AM: Congratulations! April 2015 marked the beginning of your 3-year term as poet laureate of Moscow, Idaho. I have to admit, I was surprised when I heard about this—not that you would be appointed, but that Moscow even has a poet laureate! Is it common for a small city like Moscow to offer such a position?
Tiffany Midge (TM): I can’t say for certain, but I do know of a couple of other small-town poets laureate, and I know of several current and former state poets laureate.
Kudos to poets laureate Jeannine Hall Gailey (former PL) of Redmond WA and Julia Park Tracey of Alameda CA.
AM: How long has Moscow has followed this practice?
TM: This is the first time! The arts council only recently created the post, and it was advertised for people to apply. I’ve always held that I aspired to be Poet Laureate but would settle for Poet-Want-Fries-With-That. And, of course, I often joke about holding the Distinguished Writer in Residence at Moscow/Pullman Highway’s Jack–n-the Box. But this is for realz. I’ve come up in the world!
AM: What are some of your responsibilities as poet laureate?
TM: (Refers to a printout.) Okay, my mandate is “to raise the visibility of poetry and other literary arts within the community through outreach, education, and other programs.” Part of what that means is, I’ll be offering at least one public poetry workshop per year; I’ll be writing and sharing at least three poems per year that “speak in some way to the distinctive character” of Moscow; and I’ll give two or more local readings at “civic functions” like the Art Walk.
AM: Sounds like a busy agenda but pretty good fun.
TM: That’s what I said!
AM: I want my readers to know that you’re an enrolled member of the Standing Rock Sioux Reservation and you’ve always taken a big interest in Native American authors and artists, among other contemporary work. Is Moscow a positive locale for such artists to present and share their creativity?
TM: There have always been events here on the Palouse that celebrate indigenous culture.
“The Palouse” refers to a geographical region characterized by a unique geological history. It spans much of southeastern Washington state and north/central Idaho. The name is derived from the French for “grass” in probable combination with the name of the Palus or Palusha tribe.
TM: One of the more exciting and interesting events took place in 2011, when UI’s English Department and other community folks organized Hoopaloosa.
“The name, HooPalousa, is a play on words, Hoops and Palouse, basketball and the region where the university is located and appropriate for a game of hoops with writers known for playing with words.” Hoopaloosa has been described as “a fun [basketball] game between the Moscow SuperSonnets, representing the University of Idaho, and a team from the Spokane area called the Spokane Dirty Realists.” The purpose was to raise money towards funding an annual Graduate Writing Fellowship for a Native American student/writer. The game was organized by novelist and memoirist Kim Barnes of the University of Idaho creative writing faculty. Star attraction of the game was National Book Award winner Sherman Alexie who came to Moscow from Seattle to play on the Spokane team.
TM: Also, last spring Natalie Diaz—a sensationally talented poet—was invited and came here to give a reading. And last fall our local bookstore, BookPeople of Moscow, hosted a launch reading of Yellow Medicine Review—an Indigenous literary magazine that I guest-edited and which featured several local writers.
AM: How about your own work as a writer? What have been doing lately, and will it tie in with your new public role?
TM: I’m looking forward to my collection of poetry The Woman Who Married a Bear coming out next year—March/April, 2016, from the University of New Mexico Press.
AM: You won the Earthworks Prize for that, right? From the Kenyon Review?
TM: That’s right. But more recently I have been writing prose—a couple of novels and some essays. I expect my poetry will tie in with the laureate post, the three or more poems per year that I’ll present at public events. I’m looking forward to a couple of events coming up this spring: The first is the Endangered Project, which is a collaboration between visual artists and poets to be presented in May.
The Endangered Project is an undertaking of visual arts and poetry organized by local artists in the Moscow area. The theme of “endangerment” was interpreted freely by each participant. Works will premier at a public opening and reading to be held in downtown Moscow at the Prichard Art Gallery on Thursday, May 21, 2015. The exhibit will run through June 6.
TM: Then in June, is the launch of another project that’s new to Moscow: poetry bus broadsides. Several broadside posters are being created by the very well-known Broadsided Press. Elizabeth Bradfield is producing mine: it’s a sonnet about Spring Valley Reservoir [just south of Moscow] and the bird life one encounters there. The artwork is by Ryan Law. There will be a launch event on June 12 at 4PM at the transit station where the broadsides are to be hung (or they might be on the inside of buses, that’s still unclear). This will be part of the Moscow Art Walk.
“’Smaller communities can give the art a more intimate feel because you’ll often know the artists or author of the work you see on the side of the bus,’ says Elizabeth Bradfield, founder and editor-in-chief of Broadsided Press. Bradfield is excited to have the partnership with Moscow, because it blends the local and national side of art”. — The Daily Evergreen, Washington State University’s student newspaper, 4/22/15
With thanks to www.savagechickens.com!
AM: I have to confess, you are such a great humorist, that when I first saw your post on Facebook where you mentioned becoming Poet Laureate of Moscow, I thought it might actually be a parody or joke of some kind. Don’t get me wrong: I love Moscow, and I’m thrilled that we now have you to be our special poet. It’s just that I tend to think of public poets as establishment figures—reading on solemn occasions with no hint of comic relief. Can you set me straight on this?
TM: One of the characters in my novel said, “humor is a veil for fury.” I’m still sorting out exactly what that means. In response to your idea that public poets are “establishment figures—reading on solemn occasions without any irony,” I find that in and of itself very funny: as if life should be a humorless occasion!
I was always that kid who was stifling my giggles in church. I once published a humorous essay about attending my mother’s funeral. Irreverence. Sad clowns. There is so much atrocity and brutality in the world, I can’t help but want to pursue the flip side to that, especially in my writing, if for no other reason than to maintain my sanity.
So often we hear that people don’t like poetry. That poetry doesn’t make sense. I once had a high school student say that poetry was pretentious. I think that using humor in poetry helps to debunk those kinds of notions. Humor potentially takes out the “Ivory Tower” mystique and makes poetry relatable to everyday life, because it can and does bear witness to our everyday activities. It heightens and enlarges them, endowing them with purpose and meaning. Humor invariably disarms us, catches us off guard, and brings the pleasure of connection.
AM: There are, no doubt, many details of a public poet’s role that I don’t even know to ask you about. What would you want people to understand about this role?
TM: A poet whose name I can’t remember said something to the effect that poetry should be a dance around the fire. And in many other countries the role of a poet is very highly regarded. Poetry is consciousness-raising. It incites, it reckons, it entertains, it educates. It’s reportage. It acts as a thousand and one things, but it remains marginalized within our broader mainstream culture. Yet, we use language constantly! We are speaking in pure poetry every moment and aren’t even aware of it! Our most mundane activities are relayed to the people around us, and there are so many gems to be mined in those exchanges.
AM: Tiffany Midge, congratulations for serving as our first poet laureate of Moscow, Idaho. Thank you, and thanks, too, for speaking with us today.
TM: You’re very welcome.
Follow the poet on Twitter @TiffanyMidge.
Learn more about her work here and here.
Read her book Outlaws, Renegades & Saints: Diary of a Mixed-Up Half Breed.
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 9, 2015 | Events
a novel by Anesa Miller
has been named
a FINALIST for
“Best Regional Fiction”
in the
NEXT GENERATION INDIE BOOK AWARDs
“We like to think of our awards program as the ‘Sundance’ of the book publishing world,” says Catherine Goulet, Chair of the 2014 Next Generation Indie Book Awards program.
Anesa Miller is seeking participants for a “launch team” to help publicize Our Orbit’s re-release from Booktrope Publishing in summer 2015 — Click here for details on this opportunity!
In an article at CNN.com titled “If it’s cool, creative, and different, it’s indie,” journalist Catherine Andrews wrote: “The term ‘indie’ traditionally refers to independent art — music, film, literature or anything that fits under the broad banner of culture — created outside of the mainstream and without corporate financing.”
Independent book publishing companies are independent of the major conglomerates that dominate the book publishing industry. The indies include small presses, larger independent publishers, university presses, e-book publishers, and self-published authors.
According to Goulet, “Like other independent artists, many indie book publishers face challenges that the industry giants don’t experience. They typically have to work a lot harder to get their best books into retail stores and ultimately into the hands of readers.”
“Authors and publishers in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards are serious about their books,” adds Goulet. “They aim to stand out from the crowd of millions of books in print.”
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 8, 2015 | Blog, National Foster Care Month
The topic of child welfare looms large in my novel Our Orbit. It tells the story of an Appalachian girl who crosses the tracks to become foster daughter to an educated family. Love and conflict ensue as all the burning social issues of our time raise their sometimes ugly heads. In gratitude to those who helped me learn about the many demands and great rewards of foster care, I am sharing information on this topic throughout the month of May 2015, National Foster Care Month.
Parents’ nightmare? In a 1976 photo, famed “girl” band, The Runaways, show attitude.
Today’s very insightful post comes from blogger, bio & foster mom, Jill Rippy. Her words brought tears to my eyes. Based on personal experience, a teen foster child tends to become the central figure in much of my writing. Visit an example here of what can seem so frightening about these “characters,” whether real or fictional. Then get the true story from Jill.
By Jill Rippy
Scary, emotional, unpredictable, scheming, hormone driven, false accusation making, window jumping runaways…who could I possibly be referring to? Teenage girls in foster care?
These frightening beasts are without a doubt, the most feared children in the foster world. I mean after all, don’t you know, they all are pretty scary. And every single one of them has made a false accusation. All they do is cry all the time and plot revenge. They are out to destroy everyone around them with their rage and emotional instability. Right?
The phone rings. It’s child services and they are asking you to take this teen girl. Instantly, your mind takes you back to the first time you watched the movie Carrie. Your mind fills with visions of teen girl rage and telepathic fire balls flying through the air. As you envision your house being destroyed with a single fiery look from your imaginary foster Carrie, you are filled with angst, fear and doubt. So you tell them no.
I get it my friends. I really do. There was a time when I thought I’d never welcome a teen girl into my home. The thought was frightening and in my mind, it wasn’t even an option.
Fast forward many years, many foster children and many age ranges later and now, we only foster teen girls…at least for now. I add that disclaimer because our preferences have changed over the years (and they may change again), but we find that our personalities, skills and dispositions are a great fit for fostering teen girls.
10 Things You Need to Know About Teen Girls in Foster Care
10. They are a lot of fun. When my teen girls are in the kitchen together, the laughter, snorts, silliness and antics are music to my ears. Humor is our best tool. Quick wit, corny jokes and being able to laugh at yourself will take you far with teen girls.
9. They are relational. Teen girls provide an odd dynamic. At times they hide in their room for hours on end having Gossip Girl or Chopped marathons. When they decide to come up for air (or food) and they come sit with us, we know that wanting to watch something with the parentals really means they need to be close to someone.
They also crave stories. We tell stories from our pasts. We are vulnerable with sharing our mistakes of our teen years and in return, strong bonds form and they don’t feel so bad about the choices they have made in the past. They are able to reason and you can have in depth, enjoyable conversations. Teen girls are great company and genuinely interesting creatures. No doubt, they have many things to teach you as well.
8. They want to be accepted. Many teen girls in foster care have been victims of bullying for one reason or another. Being bullied hardens a child. Chiseling away at that hard exterior takes time, but genuine affirmations go a long way and no doubt, you will see positive, slow change in a short amount of time.
7. They are protective. Once she loves you, she will have your back. She will see your heart and how much you want to support, love and help her and she won’t let anyone speak an ill word of these new parents that love her. Another teen sassing you? Your imaginary Carrie might surface for a second.
6. They are forgiving. Teen girls expect fairness. An apology really can fix most mundane mistakes or hurtful comments. However, if it’s not heartfelt, they will see straight through it. Apologize when you are wrong. Set the example and you will eventually get that in return.
5. They want boundaries. Most likely, she wasn’t protected by those who should have loved and cared for her the most. She wants rules that are fair. She wants consistency. She wants to please you, but she will test you now and then because she is testing your love in her own weird, teenage way. Let her set the rules and boundaries with you. Be clear, firm, but kind. She isn’t your adult equal or your roommate. You are the parent, but she is old enough and wise enough to be empowered with helping set the boundaries.
She is also terrified about the future. The thought of being on her own is a scary thought. She needs to soak up as much as she can in a fairly short amount of time and she knows this. In everything you teach and with every consequence, discuss the immediate ramifications and look into the future. What is the consequence for this behavior now and what would the consequence be if she was 19, in public or on the job? She is almost an adult and consequences for our actions magnify as adults. The world isn’t nearly as forgiving as foster parents or parents. Help her see these new perspectives and think out loud with her.
4. They know they need you. Nearly every teen we have fostered wanted to be here. Though they love their parents and families, for the most part, they are mature enough to see some truths regarding the needs of their family. Truth is, most teens don’t want to leave us. Of course, they may have moments of teen insanity just like any other teen and sure, they may throw out idle threats about leaving, but when push comes to shove, they know they need you and they want to be with you, even though they may still have pain and guilt about not being with their family.
3. They carry a badge of shame and they need your help letting it go. Shame is a big, bad demon that so many people carry. It’s a storm cloud that just follows teen girls around and rears its ugliness often. What that young lady needs to know is the day she stepped foot into your home, her slate was clean. Anything she did willingly, unwillingly, choices she made or acts she participated in are forgiven and she stepped into your home a new person. That doesn’t mean there are not legal or medical consequences for past choices, but in your eyes, she is clean, new and free of the shame of her past. This is a new start. She deserves it.
2. They aren’t that scary. They get attitudes sometimes. They might threaten to “go back home” or share some other load of attention seeking garbage, but when they are angry, leave them alone. They will work it out. Talk it out later. If you push it when she is angry, that is when beast mode kicks in. No one is at their best when they are angry.
1. They want to feel beautiful. Without a doubt, her self-esteem is in the toilet. This is true of EVERY SINGLE TEEN we have fostered. Teen girls need to be built up and have their inner and outer truths brought to light.
Buy her new clothes. Slowly encourage subtle changes. Bring special gifts home for her. A new dress, a necklace or a pair of shoes will make her day. Tell her that you thought of her when you saw it.
If she came to you with the makeup caked on, find a moment where she doesn’t have it on and tell her how naturally beautiful she is. Nonchalantly, drop a quick comment about how you’d love her see her just wear mascara one day and how she doesn’t need all that other junk. (Don’t belabor the point. Trust me, she heard you.)
More importantly, recognize her inner beauty. Notice her heart. When a song makes her cry or she turns her head toward the car window, notice. You are getting a glimpse into her soul at that very moment.
When she wants to make her mom a piece of artwork or give her a birthday gift, help her.
When she comes home upset, ask her about it. Relate to her and tell her a story from your past. Then offer suggestions for how to help the situation.
Introduce her to a positive social group like a church youth group or a teen program that offers a positive environment where she can enact change and you will see change happen before your eyes.
Don’t fear teen girls in foster care. I know the thought of welcoming a teen to your home can be a frightening thought when you have primarily fostered the littles.
If you have never fostered a teen girl, I am giving you this personal challenge. I encourage you to call your agency and share your curiosity, but also your fears. Ask to be put on the respite list if a teen girl or two need respite. Respite is a great way to try fostering different age groups without the full time commitment. However, I will caution you to not judge all teen girls by one experience. Though my experiences shared have been true of the vast majority of the teen girls we have fostered, there is no cookie cutter for teen girls. So I urge you to provide respite for several different girls.
Teen girls are filling group homes and remaining in unstable home environments with services in place because foster parents are afraid to take them. There simply are not enough homes willing to take them. Please don’t assume that all of them are broken beyond repair or will turn your life upside down. Be willing to explore the option. I think you will be pleasantly surprised with how much you enjoy being their parent. If you want to see the evidence of your hard work as a foster parent take place right before your eyes, foster a teen girl. It’s a pretty amazing thing to be their mom.
Visit The Foster Life, website of today’s guest poster, Jill Rippy.
Follow Jill on FACEBOOK: THE FOSTER LIFE and TWITTER.
Thank you for learning about issues involved in foster care! For additional information—
Visit the official site of National Foster Care Month 2015. That’s right now!
Visit the National Foster Parent Association.
And always feel free to share your insights in the “Comments” section below.
However, the goal is for their branches to get grafted back on to THEIR tree. They aren’t supposed to attach to our tree forever. So we have to keep the wounds raw. We don’t want the kids’ branches to dry off and die. They do have to attach to us. But they can’t attach permanently. We have to continually keep the end of their branch wet and raw so they can attach back to their Red Delicious tree (or at least to a tree in their orchard) when it’s safe.
Tiffany joins me today for a chat about her new appointment—
AM: What are some of your responsibilities as poet laureate?
Scary, emotional, unpredictable, scheming, hormone driven, false accusation making, window jumping runaways…who could I possibly be referring to? Teenage girls in foster care?