by anesamiller_wuhi6k | Jul 14, 2015 | Blog, Foster Care, National Foster Care Month
Perspective makes all the difference when parenting a traumatized child. It can transform moments of irritation into life-affirming opportunities.
“Watchful” is exploring the power of expressing of his opinions and emotions. Pretty much that boils down to him saying no a lot and complaining. The rationale, objective part of my brain knows this is a great milestone, since he feels comfortable enough to share his negative emotions. Previously, such behavior would have earned him a beating by his bio parents. It’s wonderful that he’s trying to figure out if it’s true that some parents won’t hit him when he misbehaves.
But then there’s the practical side when I’m trying to get him out the door to camp and he’s refusing to put on his shoes. The county driver is staring at me and pointing at his watch. Teenaged “Silent One” is fuming that he’s being made late for his running team’s practice. “Sassy” is “being helpful” by scolding Watchful, which makes him double down on stubbornly not putting on his shoes. Watchful’s sister Joyful decides to get in on the action and suddenly claims that she doesn’t understand what you mean by “put on your shoes.” Meanwhile, the dog is barking and desperately trying to nip at the county driver.
“Just one moment, please,” I say to the driver, who’s face clearly conveys his thoughts of what a crazy household.
Deep breath #1. Deep breath #2.
“Sassy, can you please be in charge of the dog and take her into the other room, please?” I say. Nagging sister and annoying dog successfully dealt with.
“Watchful and Joyful, you have to the count of three to put on your shoes,” I say. Joyful begins putting on her shoes. Second sister moving in right direction.
“What are you going to do? You can’t make me,” responds Watchful, testing me on whether I will hit him to get him to comply.
“Put your shoes on by the count of three or I will put them on for you,” I come back. “We need to be respectful of Silent One’s need to be on time for practice.”
Silent One’s pissy stance relaxes as he hears me acknowledge his desire to get to practice.
Watchful begins to put on his shoes…in slow motion.
Deep breath #3.
“Put your shoes on regular speed,” I say sternly, but calmly.
Watchful puts on his shoes and then wanders off away from the door.
“It’s time to leave for camp, Watchful. Get in the car. Regular speed,” I direct.
Watchful gets in the car.
Kinda looks like just an annoying parent moment. And at a certain level, it is a bit annoying. But honestly, I’m secretly happy inside.
Because he has given me the perfect opportunity to prove what kind of person I am. I’ve just shown him that I am not a parent who will smack him when he misbehaves. I’m also not the parent who will let him get away with not following the rules. I’m a safe, in-charge parent.
Now we only need to do this dance again day in and day out, until my message of safety sinks in.
Come on, kiddo. Give me another chance to prove that I’m a safe, in-charge parent who’s going to help you heal.
~ ~ ~ ~
For additional information—
Visit The Beautiful Opportunity.
Visit the Wisconsin Coalition for Children, Youth & Families.
Visit the National Foster Parent Association.
~ ~ ~ ~
Many thanks for visiting my blog today! Please browse the website and let me know if you like what you see, or if you have suggestions. You can reach me by leaving a comment in the box below or by clicking the Contact link at upper right (or just click here). Consider subscribing to my blog or newsletter. And stop by again soon!
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | May 5, 2015 | Blog, National Foster Care Month
May is National Foster Care Month, a time to give some thought to the generous efforts of all of those doing their best to help children whose home and family life has suffered disruption. Coming to understand the demands of foster care has played a major role in my writing life. In gratitude to those who helped me learn, I’ll be sharing information on this topic throughout the month of May.
In a work of fiction like Our Orbit, it’s easy to gloss over the many aspects of a complex project like preparing the kids already in your home for the arrival of a new sibling. This will be true whether the newcomer is biological or fostered.
How well does Deanne Fletcher handle the task?
From Our Orbit—
Next morning, Rick was off to work at quarter to seven. At seven-thirty, regular as clockwork, Deanne heard Kayla singing in bed, then Chad began to stir in his crib. Twenty minutes later, they were drinking juice at the kitchen table, while Deanne explained that their new sister would arrive that afternoon. An older sister.
Mother knows best?
“No baby?” Chad said, in his not-yet-two-year-old way.
“No, but this girl needs a place to live right away. She needs a home where people will look after her and treat her like family. We can do that no matter how old she is, can’t we?”
“If she’s big, she can’t come from your tummy,” Kayla said.
“That’s right.” Deanne laughed. “She’ll be a ‘visiting sister.’ Remember how Daddy explained it?”
“She won’t belong to us forever?”
“That’s right. But while she’s here, we’ll treat her just the same as if she would.”
♥ ♥ ♥
A snap, right? True, a novel isn’t expected to serve as a how-to book. So in the interest of offering useful information, here’s an item from the website of the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families that clearly states all the things Deanne was probably keeping in mind—
Tip Sheet Tuesday: Preparing the Kids in Your Home for Fostering
Not only do parents make adjustments in their lives when a child in care enters their home, the children in the house are in 
for changes too . . . big changes! It doesn’t matter if they are born or adopted into the family or are currently in foster care. Adjustments come easily for some—they move over at the table, know they will have to share your time and smile—while others are still processing the changes they had to make well into adulthood.
Humor and Insight
One Wisconsin dad, with humor and insight, tells a story about his nine-year-old son. On the evening that he and his wife were going to foster parenting classes, his son said, “Dad, so you and Mom are going to be gone all night and neglecting me all evening so that you can learn how to care for other kids you’re going to bring into our house?”
This wise father knows that his son anticipates making some big changes and is probably fearing it. It’s the savvy parent who knows that the whole family will be making changes.
On the other hand, some birth children take fostering and adopting for granted. They are in a position to appreciate what their parents are doing and feel part of it. They learn their new dances in the family circle.
One woman who grew up with biological, adopted and foster siblings says, “I think I lived in my own bubble all my life. The kids who came were almost all younger than me, so I didn’t have to compete with them for anything, other than the bathroom. But that was just normal.”
She goes on to say, “I was old enough to understand the basics of foster care, so the comings and goings weren’t a big deal either. Growing up in a foster home is what it is—it’s hard to describe unless you have lived another way to compare it to something.”
Both reactions are valid. Be open to any reactions your kids may have and have some tools ready to help the family expand.
To continue reading on the website of the Coalition for Children, Youth & Families, click here.
Thank you for learning about issues involved in foster care! For additional information—
Visit the official site of National Foster Care Month 2015. That’s right now!
Visit the National Foster Parent Association.
And feel free to share your insights in the “Comments” section below.
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | Apr 27, 2015 | Blog, Foster Care, National Foster Care Month, OMG—It's CELEBRITIES!
Can you ever have too much star power?
Readers of Our Orbit know that the topic of foster care plays a major role in the plot and the lives of all the characters. To honor everyone who helped me learn and write about this system of neighborly care, I will be posting on this topic for the next several weeks.
We start on a light note, with this addition to the series OMG – It’s CELEBRITIES! Rick and Deanne Fletcher, the young couple who become foster mom and dad to 9-year-old Miriam Winslow after her father’s arrest —
Rick & Deanne: “Ideal foster parents”
Not the meatiest roles?
As you may know, Our Orbit features a number of meaty roles that actors are sure to enjoy: an alcoholic 14-year-old, closeted aunts and uncles, men whose masculinity is dangerously entangled with religious devotion and resistance to authority. So at first glance, the parts of Rick and Deanne Fletcher may not seem like the best in the book.
Born and raised in small-town Ohio, Rick and Deanne meet at the local liberal arts college. They get married as soon as he graduates and finds work teaching chemistry at a rural high school. Deanne teaches kindergarten, then works as a substitute when the babies begin to arrive. Rick’s family boasts a small claim to urban sophistication, coming from the regional hub of Cincinnati, while Deanne grew up on a farm that her family has proudly held for over a century.
A kindly face of authority
By their mid-20s, the couple has a mortgage and two children. Already eager for a third baby, they decide to look into foster care as a way to grow their family while limiting the financial strain. (Maybe not the best reason to do a good thing? You be the judge.) In short, Rick and Deanne are both traditionalists with slightly left-of-center political views. Oh—! and Rick has now been promoted to Assistant Principal of the high school, so he is an official member of the local establishment.
Not necessarily the sexiest roles, these are, nonetheless, central characters that in movie parlance (Watch me pretend I speak it!) must be considered the male and female leads. I need consummate talent to render their authenticity without letting too many hints of stuffiness, much less irony, slip in.
My first thought was the brilliant German-Irish actor Michael Fassbender as Rick, and undisputed genius Jessica Chastain as Deanne. Both come laden with enough awards and nominations to daunt a stout mule.
Since his bone-chilling portrayals of a diehard Confederate racist in Twelve Years a Slave and an amoral lawyer casually consorting with drug kingpins in The Counselor, no one could doubt that Fassbender has talent to burn. His action and fantasy experience attest to range, while Shakespearean roles demonstrate the respect he has earned.
Quite aside from her austere, award-winning role in Zero Dark Thirty, Chastain has shown that she can breathe convincing nuance into maternal roles in Tree of Life and The Color of Time. Even her portrayal of the ditsy Celia Foote in The Help redounds to Deanne’s credit—both are country girls who confront the often constricting demands of rural society. (As a recovering Russian Studies instructor, I’m especially thrilled that Chastain appeared in a festival production of Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard—more small-town chops.)
Any idea how I can get these folks to show up for a casting call?
Actually, although Fassbender and Chastain are clearly big-screen magic, maybe I don’t need quite so much star power. Actors a bit less blinding with renown could find a way to shine in these modest-seeming roles.
So then, like a real-life Casting Director, I browsed some headshots and experienced an epiphany when I saw Matthew Morrison posing by an institutional-looking brick wall! Who knows more about playing a high school teacher confronted with mega-challenges than the star of the hit TV show Glee?
Homeboy!
True, Mr. Schuester slips in and out of conventional character with ease amid Glee’s meta commentaries and fantastical elements. Not much of that in OO, I’m afraid. But with several awards to his credit, there’s no question that Morrison possesses the skill to head up a dramatic cast, hands tied behind his back. (Which we might need to do: Sorry, Matt—no singing or dancing.)
And as Deanne? How about the irresistible Michelle Williams?
Sweetheart Next-Door
She did motherhood in her multiple award-winning role in Blue Valentine (though, admittedly, that is a tortured and hence perhaps less challenging take on maternity than the unruffled Deanne Fletcher). And as Norma Jean turned Marilyn Monroe, Michelle embodies the sweetheart next-door with endearing ease.
So hey, kids— It’s a definite maybe! I’ll call you as soon as the funding comes together. And even though we now take a pause on the CELEBRITY trail, a few biggies remain to come, later this summer: patriarch Levi Winslow, his wife Emaline, and sister-in-law Aunt Melanie.
Thanks for joining my fantasy. I’ve had good fun. And I think it’s proof that I can dream—can’t I?
~ ~ ~ ~
Kudos for visiting my blog today! Check out the website and let me know if you like what you see, or if you have suggestions. You can reach me by leaving a comment in the box below or by clicking the Contact link at upper right (or just click here). Please consider subscribing to my blog or newsletter. And stop by again soon!
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | Apr 20, 2015 | Blog, OMG—It's CELEBRITIES!
This post is part of an ongoing series, OMG—It’s CELEBRITIES!, presenting well-known actors to play parts in (a fantasy) movie version of the novel Our Orbit. Click here for other items in the series.
Feisty?
Maybe I have mentioned that Our Orbit has a good-sized cast. In fact, I’ve been accused of featuring an ensemble at the expense of any one main character. That may be a discussion for a highbrow coffee klatch, but frankly, I fail to see the problem. There is no dead wood among the dramatis personae, by which I mean there are no characters who stand about like posts for the plot to race past, no so-called supporting figures who merely play straight man to the stars.
At least, that’s what I was aiming for. As to the outcome, you be the judge—please!
More to the point, the character I’d like to introduce today is one who plays a crucial role in several key scenes of the novel. She reveals a major secret, struggles to protect her loved ones, and stays true to herself as a nonconformist amid the staunch traditions of small-town Ohio. Her name is Claire Winslow, the only living first cousin of lead characters Miriam and Rachelle.
Cover design by Renee Garcia
Our Orbit has a new cover, fully re-designed for the Booktrope edition!
My difficulty in casting the part of Claire for the imaginary film of Our Orbit lies in a notorious Hollywood tendency that one of our commenters noted a couple of weeks ago: Women are expected to please the eye and avoid expressing too much personality. This doesn’t suit Claire one bit! She tends to flaunt her inability to quite fit into social expectations: a fashion maven who wears a little too much gold jewelry but doesn’t boast a pretty face or sexy figure in the customary sense.
In short, women who might be a shoe-in for the part have largely been kept out of the American film industry, or have at least been kept off-screen! Even so, I considered the “available” talent, and here’s what I came up with—
Star of Orlando, The Chronicles of Narnia, and The Grand Budapest Hotel, the amazing Tilda Swinton has an unconventional face, angular form, and spiritual quality that would fit Cousin Claire to a T. Ms Swinton (pictured above) manages to convey inner strength even in scenes of remarkable vulnerability. I would LOVE to see her bring Claire Winslow to life…except for the inconvenient fact that she is simply too gorgeous! And maybe not feisty enough.
No doubt a more obvious choice would be Taryn Manning who portrays the colorful meth addict Pennsatucky in Netflix’ hit series Orange is the New Black—
A definite maybe
Taryn’s got the Appalachian chops, no question, and she has done dramatic work in Hustle & Flow and other films. I’m just not sure those big plusses are enough to outweigh the fact that, while she can certainly do feisty, she’s quite a tiny woman. Claire needs to be an imperious figure, certainly taller that her 14-year-old cousin Rachelle. So the creator of my favorite ONB player might not fit in the movie, after all.
Which brings me to that 2nd-youngest-ever Oscar winner (for The Piano, 1994), as well as most intrepid X-Woman and vampire, Anna Paquin. Talk about range of acting ability! I think Ms Paquin has surprised us all by her skill in appearing lovely and graceful while sporting such unconventional features (in Hollywood, at any rate) as gap teeth. These are promising qualities for the woman to portray Claire. Definitely my best candidate!
Chills!
~ ~ ~ ~
I must add a brief tribute to one of the world’s most beautiful actresses, who hid her own dazzling eye-candy for the sake of a challenging role. Kudos to Charlize Theron for revealing the frightening humanity of Aileen Wuornos in the film Monster. I’m sure it was a tough job, but she had the courage to do it. (Sorry, I can’t seem to find a “non-proprietary” photo of the actress as herself. Better google it!)
~ ~ ~ ~
What do you think? Share your thoughts, impressions, complaints, and candidates for these movie roles in the Comments section below. Thanks for visiting my blog today! Feel free to nose about the website and let me know if you like what you see, or if you have suggestions. You can reach me by clicking the Contact link at upper right (or just click here). And please consider subscribing to my blog or newsletter. Stop by again soon!
by anesamiller_wuhi6k | Apr 6, 2015 | Blog, OMG—It's CELEBRITIES!
I have to kick this off with a big disclaimer:
I am something of a cultural snob. For many years I read nothing but classics (comes with the Ph.D. territory), and did not own a TV throughout my 12-yr. grad school career. So please understand that I’m bringing a dose of embarrassment to this project—a blog page devoted to celebrities!
Wild dreams….
True confession: I have created a Pinterest board on the CELEBRITY actors I would most like to see in the movie version of my novel, Our Orbit.
Why be embarrassed? You may well ask. After all, even snobs love and respect talented actors. Lots of them do Shakespeare! Yes, I know, but it’s awkward to admit how much I have fantasized about seeing my novel made into a film. Not exactly an uncommon dream among writers, but we all know it’s just that: a dream unlikely to survive in waking life.
But so what? Make like a fantasy writer and live a little! Indulging dreams costs nothing. And “casting” these roles turned out to be the most fun I’ve had on a computer since…well, since I finished writing Our Orbit! Here are a few samples of the terrific talent I’d love to see bringing my story to life —
Yikes—this side of Jeff Bridges conveys the deadly serious aspect of his oh-so expressive facial assets! But the creator of cult hero “The Dude” (in THE BIG LEBOWSKI) has a humane and hilarious side as well. That’s why I need him to play the part of Uncle Dan, who claims to be sole survivor of an alien abduction. Jeff, I see another Oscar in your future!
Who is Uncle Dan? A decorated Korean War veteran and brother to the Winslow family patriarch, Levi (more on him later). Dan is uncle to Levi’s four children, all of whom are key characters in Our Orbit. Starting with the youngest, there’s Miriam—
Forever 9!
If only we could go back in time to the era of LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (2006), there’s no question that Abigail Breslin would bring the perfect blend of sweet sadness to the character of Miriam, who enters foster care at the age of 9 years. Regrettably, as we’ve all had occasion to realize, time waits for no one! Abigail has gone through many changes, like we all do, growing up. (Hey, that’s a big theme in the book, too.) So how about casting Miss Breslin—still-adorable at 18—as Miriam’s sister Rachelle—
Great country-girl look in a gingham shirt! But can Abigail bring the sullen, a crucial quality for the part of angst-ridden teenage Rachelle? After all, the back cover of Our Orbit reveals that, “Rachelle harbors many painful secrets.” So how about Morgan Saylor who amply demonstrates her skill as a tormented young woman on the hit series HOMELAND…?
Looks like a shoe-in to me!
What do you think? Share your thoughts, impressions, complaints, and candidates for these meaty movie roles in the Comments section below. Many thanks for visiting my blog today! Feel free to nose about the website and let me know if you like what you see or if you have suggestions. You can reach me by clicking the Contact link at upper right (or just click here). And please consider subscribing to my blog or newsletter. Stop by again soon!
